Best Holiday Movie (in my opinion)


[Todd and Margo Chester, the Griswold’s yuppie neighbors, appear

Todd: Hey Griswold. Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big? 
Clark: Bend over and I’ll show you. 
Todd: You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold. 
Clark: I wasn’t talking to you. 



Ellen: What are you looking at? 
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer… 
[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV’s toilet
Eddie: Shitter was full. 
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey? 
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn’t know any better. 
Clark: He oughta know it’s illegal. That’s a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it. 




Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark? 
Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now. 



Clark: Russ, go get the hammer. 
Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for? 
Clark: I’m gonna catch it in the coat… And smack it with the hammer. 



Clark: The most enjoying traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thpirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath. 



Margo: I hope he falls and breaks his neck. 
Todd: Oh, I’m sure he’ll fall. But I don’t think we’re lucky enough for him to break his neck. 



Clark: Whew, it’s warm in here. 
Mary: Well you have your coat on. 
Clark: Ah yes I do, why is that? 
Mary: Because it’s cold out. 
Clark: Yes it is, it’s a bit nipply out. I mean nippy out, what did I say, nipple? Huh, there is a nip in the air. 

I could go on…

(all quotes and image from


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